I went to Bingo. I know. It's lame and totally "Valley Girl"...but I did it because I thought it would be a way to NOT take myself so seriously, to chill out, to just get over myself already. I had fun. I didn't win, but I relaxed and used my TEAL dabber...
I joined a club...an ART club. I know... Those who know me well are probably thinking...you did what? I decided to get out of my shell, out of my head and out of my basement. I paid my fees last night...and I'm excited about this. I really am.
I had breakfast with my Memere. I made time. It was wonderful. Before I left she looked me in the eye, put her hands on my shoulders and said; " I know you will paint again soon. You are a good artist. It will be OK." (She said this in French, I'm just translating). She filled my heart right up.
So, that afternoon, I came home. I was nervous entering my studio... I looked through books for ideas... And then I looked at the clock and finally said. Enough. You are totally procrastinating. Paint like you...not like anyone else. You don't need any books for that. Owen will be home in three hours. Just paint! So I did. I painted. I literally took some deep breaths before I started and I just went for it, allowing whatever needed to happen. Once I got started, I wasn't anxious anymore. I was in the ZONE.
Three hours later, this emerged.
It's called The Forest is Her Temple.
I was so giddy all night long!!!
FINALLY, a breakthrough!
Yesterday, I painted this one...
This one is called Raven Girl.
for your support and your kind comments!
It means SO much to me. It truly lifted me up!
I wanted to share a comment left by fellow artist Micki.
Many of you know her as The Secret Hermit.
I HAD to share this with you!
Here is part of her comment that made EVERYTHING so clear!!!
" What we call blocks are transition times.
Sometimes they are intimidating, but when you come down to it, a block is simply a time of change.
Something drastically different from what has been painted is trying to emerge, and you are pushing it back down, consciously or unconsciously.
You feel blank because there is too much inside and the pressure gives the illusion of emptiness.
This is a time to break the boundaries set by the self image, to find the crack in the wall. "
...this quote from the book 'Life, paint and passion'... left by Micki.
So here's the truth...
I've been limiting myself...my growth. I so fiercely want to BRAND my style that I continue to stuff the natural process of growth. I wanted desperately to continue with my current ETSY style, the one in the shop and continue painting and growing with Beverly-separately. I thought I could do both... I have realized that I can't any more. This is why I BLOCKED out!
I know that I'm still new as an artist... January 2010 was the the beginning for me. My style will continue to grow and change... it will continue to evolve because that's just the kind of person I am. I am surrendering the need to BRAND myself any longer...this is self-sabotage and I will do it no more. Some people are meant to teach grade two for the rest of their lives and they are happy with that... I would die. I am in constant flux. So here I am, at another juncture of change in my work. The fifth in the last twenty-one months. Where do I go from here? Forward, inward, allowing the growth to happen and shape my ART into exactly what it's supposed to be.
I hope you do too. xox